The Grocery Shopping Did Not Get Done
by Eternal Love Song
Summary: Loki, Amora, and Bucky go Grocery Shopping! -Or- In Which, Bucky just wants to not starve, Loki thinks groceries are dumb, and Tony is just curious as to what he stumbled upon.


"This is stupid," Loki said grumpily, crossing her arms over her chest. Her hair was in a long braid and she flipped it over her shoulder so that it hung down her back.

"Shut up, Loki," Amora snapped back. She hardly looked at the other god, intent as she was on studying the boxes on the shelves beside her. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and overly large, green tinted sun glasses obscured her face.

"Besides, you're the one with the money," Bucky added, coming up next to them with a half full shopping cart. He had gloves and a long sleeve shirt to cover his arm, and his hair was pulled back from his face. "Some of us actually need to eat to live."

"Why do humans go through so much work to mutilate their food anyhow," Loki grumbled. She picked up a can of something off the shelf and leered at it derisively. Bucky snatched the item out of her hand.

"It's to make everything last longer," Bucky snapped back, putting the item down. "And don't pick up random stuff. If you aren't going to help, then just behave."

"Asgard is well able to make it's food keep without having to slather it with inedible gunk."

Bucky glared at her. Loki glared back.

"Be nice, Loki!" Amora hissed. "You know how foolish the humans are, don't act as if this is new. Now stop distracting me! I'm trying to figure out what this is!"

"You don't even eat it." Loki said under her breath.

Amora snorted. "Thor couldn't get me to eat this stuff!" She replied. "But that's not the point. Human cooking is... quaint."

"You mean queer."

"Ugh! You do this every time!" Bucky yelled, turning to face Loki and stopping mid motion. Loki and Amora stopped to see what he was looking at.

Tony Stark was standing there, looking curiously at the trio, Natasha frozen in place at his side. They were both in civilian attire, Tony with sun glasses on his face looking his usual ostentatious self and Natasha practically invincible beside him with how normal she looked.

"Huh?" Tony hummed. Natasha's hand slowly reached behind her and Bucky took a hesitant step back.

"Ah!" Loki smiled at the assassin. "What bring you here, little spider?" Loki's eyes darted over to Tony and her smile turned wry. "Odd choice for a companion. I never took you for the type to dally with co-workers, but I can see the appeal." Her eyes traveled over Tony's form again, this time much more slowly and thoroughly.

"What?" Natasha asked, eyes narrowing into a glare.

"Now, now, there are civilians about," Amora chided gently, going back to studying the back of boxes. Bucky edged closer to her, while Loki shifted her stance to block the man from his enemies sight.

"Odd choice for an affair, but I suppose if you were keen on keeping it a secret..." Loki went on.

"Ha! You think we're, what? On a date? I don't think so." Tony said. "This was Cap's idea. Team bonding by doing mundane, useless things I can pay other people to do for me."

"I can relate," Loki told him. "This place is utterly dull. If I had my way-"

"If you had your way, I'd starve!" Bucky complained.

"If you had your way humanity would be on it's knees begging you for mercy," Tony countered.

"You say that as if it's problem," Loki replied. She grinned widely at him. "Or perhaps you were planning to volunteer to be the first?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Please," Tony snorted. "If I were the first, you'd be the second."

"Are you flirting with the enemy right now?" Natasha growled at Tony.

"I am not the enemy, at present," Loki corrected. "I am, off the clock, as you might say. As, I assume, are you?" Loki looked pointedly at their casual attire.

Natasha glared at him.

Tony grinned widely. "I'm certainly off the clock," He agreed readily. "So, is that why you're..." He made a gesture at her appearance.

"A woman?'

"Yeah, that?"

"No."

"Huh." Tony hummed again. "You know, I still owe you a drink."

"Anything would be better than having to hang around this place," Loki said with an exaggerated groan.

Bucky groaned. "Loki! We need you to pay for the food!"

"You humans always need something!" Loki tossed her hands in the air and slouched against one of the shelves, knocking over numerous products. Not that Loki cared, since she was too busy pouting.

"When Fury hears about this," Natasha grumbled under breath, but Tony interrupted her.

"What, you gonna tell on me?" Tony asked. "Go ahead, why don't you tell Steve while you're at it. He needs something else to scold me over, anyway. I think it's been a whole ten minutes."

Natasha glared at him a long moment. "I'm calling Pepper," She announced before stomping away.

"Shit, she's probably going to do it." Tony said worried, watching her walk off.

"We should probably check out," Amora said. "Before the Widow brings her man-slaves to fight us."

"Wait what?" Tony asked. "Man-slaves?"

Bucky groaned. "Loki told her that Black Widow owned the other Avengers. That's what he does! He tells weird lies about-"

"It is not a lie!" Loki snapped. "Just wait, the Captain and the Hawk will run here when she tells him."

"She does not own Steve!" Bucky snapped.

"Steve again, is it?" Loki smirked.

Bucky glowered. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"We do need to buy this stuff," Amora reminded. "And you!" She pointed at Tony. "Is Loki lying?"

"Nope," Tony answered without hesitation. "She's got them all wrapped around her little finger and those she doesn't end up wrapped up by her thighs. Trust me, it's not as pleasant as it seems."

Amora gave Bucky a smug look. "Told you. She would make a great apprentice!" She said as they walked toward the exit.

"No, she wouldn't." Bucky argued.

"So... since when have you three been... allies?' Tony questioned.

"We're not!" Bucky grumbled. "He!" Bucky pointed at Loki. "Kidnapped me."

"I found you!" Loki corrected.

"And you took me!"

"You were dying, it was fair game." Loki said.

"That is not how that works!" Bucky yelled.

"How about we forgo shopping and I treat the lot of you somewhere nice?" Tony asked. "If I'm going to get in trouble, I might as well have fun first and I am sensing a million stories here."

"Deal!" Loki agreed readily. "This is an atrocious ritual."

"I still need food!" Bucky objected.

"We'll feed you later," Loki waved him off.

"We'll come back afterwards," Amora told him. "If this goes as I'm expecting they'll be very busy after dinner."

"Yes, I am an excellent story teller!" Loki agreed.

"Not what I meant," Amora assured him.

"It's what you felt in your heart," Loki grinned.

Tony slipped a few bills out of his pocket and handed them to Bucky. "I think you may need this, dealing with them."

Bucky let out a deep sigh as he hesitatingly took the money. "Thanks. I owe you one."

"If we ever fight, don't kill me," Tony said immediately.

Bucky grinned. "If that's all it takes, I should be getting a salary from you."

"Now you flirt with him, too, Amora." Loki said.

Bucky flushed. "I was not!"

Amora pat him on the head. "Don't argue with Loki, you know he likes it."

Bucky let out a deep sigh as they left the store.

"How did you guys get here, anyway?" Tony asked.

"We drove, of course." Amora answered. "Can't remember where we put the thing."

"It was..." Bucky began, but Loki spoke over him.

"We can just find another." Loki pointed to one at random. "That one looks functional."

"I think I'll drive," Tony said loudly. "I'll just send someone to pick up the Avengers."


End file.
